'Do I still have to pay him back?'

Actually, there is wiggle room on loans to girlfriends — the hotness factor. If you are, like, totally smoking, model hot, then there are extenuating circumstances. The guy lent you the money based on these factors (otherwise why would he, right?). My experience is that the really pretty girls always expect somekind of special treatment and can't seem to see the reality that we average folk all live in. Pay the guy back.

One question: When the break up occurred, did she communicate in some way that she was not going to pay back the loan? I think we are missing some information here that led to the mass communication of her being untrustworthy. What was the trust that was broken? Or did he just have a case of the crazies? Either way, she still owes the money.

They are both wrong here, and both hurt. But he has nothing in writing indicating terms of repayment or even a debt. Whatever the bad feelings that each has, the bottom line is, any verbal "contract" they had is not enforceable. It was a gift. Move on.

Some here have indicated that she should have paid him back before she broke up with him. Does that mean she shouldn't have broken up if she couldn't have immediately paid the loan? Should she be a sexual slave because of this loan? Sure, she has to repay the loan, but his terms should have taken into consideration the notion that they would break up.

It also bears noting that the boyfriend calling her clients and trashing her should be brought up each time she makes a payment. "Here is this month $25. I would pay more, but somebody seems to be scaring off all my clients. That makes earning a living kind of hard. See you next month."

Though i do think what the boyfriend did was wrong and imature, in a twisted sort of way, he was kind of right. She, at this time, is showing she is unreliable and not very trustworthy since she said she was going to pay him back never did, broke up with him and now thinks she should not pay. Also the guy needs to learn that you NEVER lend large sums of money to people, even gf/bf, unless you have a binding legal contract to ensure you are paid.

No, you don't have to pay him back because you got your feelings hurt.

PS Can I borrow $5,000?

I think she's an idiot for even asking this question. She should have paid it back BEFORE dumping him, and walked out of the relationship with a clean slate (and clean conscience).

It seems to me that she knew she was using the guy and is trying to find a way out of paying it back.

Anyway, she should pay it back ASAP. The other stuff is a separate issue. How long did he ask for repayment before contacting friends, family, and clients? I bet it stops when he gets his $12,000 back.

She's lucky she didn't take the loan from me…spilling secrets would be the least of her worries.

Perhaps she broke up with him once she discovered he is pond scum. What makes anyone think he wouldn't have done the same things even if she did not owe him a dime? Her ex sounds like a vindictive jerk. Calling her unreliable to her clients is a good way for him to get himself sued, especially as he told her she should pay him back when she can. How does that make her unreliable? Based on that type of repayment schedule, she could leave him the money in her will!

Learn your lesson….NEVER, EVER loan money out to anyone. Most people don't pay it back. I have never loaned money out to anyone and have never had this problem.

As if she has a real business. Probably sells herbal supplements.

Adam can go to a higher court than small claims and file a lawsuit against her for 3 times the amount.

If she wants to learn from this, she should pay.

Rob, wrong. Verbal contracts between lovers are notoriously difficult to enforce; whereas he actively interfered with business. A good judge would cancel them both out, but her position is stronger simply because when personal spats spill over into anyone's professional life, the injured person has better proof of loss.

She owes him the money.

For those in the EXTREME minority encouraging the letter writer to hire a lawyer or go to court over the harassment issue, you are just plain wrong.. Where exactly is the harassment? First of all, I don't know of any laws against writing to your ex's friends, family, or "clients" as long as you are not lying to them.. Second, anyone recommending a lawyer has never dealt with a lawyer, because lawyers are EXPENSIVE, and this girl obviously doesn't have the money to pay a lawyer if she doesn't have the money to pay her ex back.. Third, if this girl takes any legal action against her ex, I can guarantee that he will take her to court over the loan, and his case is MUCH stronger than anything she has.

I speak from experience here as well. I in good faith helped my ex gf out with $3k a couple months ago. I soon found out she had been in a relationship with me and someone else for months. I asked her to repay me, and she agreed so that I wouldn't tell her other boyfriend about what was going on. I received a paltry $300 back out of the $3k before sending him an email explaining what had been going on. I doubt I will see the rest of the money, but definitely a hard lesson learned. Shame on me!

This is one really good reason to never loan money or take a loan from someone you love or think you love. I would have IMMEDIATELY started paying him back as soon as the relationship ended. The terms definitely changed on that day and I would have done everything to get him out of my life. Instead, you walked and he talked. What did you expect, forgive and forget? Not for that amount of money.

If his harrassing your clients has cost you money, then take him to court. It is not a question of whether you owe him the money (you do), but of what does he owe you for harrassing your clients.

Are the writers of this article insane? "Apparently Adam doesn’t take rejection well?" … Apparently Adam doesn't take some greedy so-and-so STEALING TWELVE THOUSAND dollars of his hard-earned money!

I would beat you to a pulp, which is illegal, if you did this to me, and I'm a woman. Hmm, so did you use any of Adam's money to start your "business?"

I suspect he's emailing people and such because you OWE HIM MONEY! Pay the guy back and stop your bellyaching. OR (gasp and swoon) Did you SPEND IT ALL ALREADY IN SIX MONTHS???!!

Probably Matt works on Wall Street.

Who are you? Are you a person of revenge? Jealously? Envy? Do you know what you want in life? The only thing I can tell you at the moment is, concentrate on doing what is right. Are you doing what's right? I would encourage you to do what your heart tells you to do. Otherwise, you would not have posted your state of confusion about this matter. Do what is right and keep on being successful. But, if you do not do the right thing, then you are not any better than he. … If you don't pay him, you lose control of yourself; if you do pay him, you are empowered. Let no one take this away from you.

Look at it like this, since you are not together anymore, try taking yourself out of the picture. In others, think about what you feel is the right thing to do — It is not about you. Now put yourself in his shoes and say that someone did the same thing to you. What would you want? Would you expect that person to not give you what is yours? "Of course you would want what's owed to you." My point is, if we would take ourselves out of the picture or the situation sometimes and concentrate on doing the right thing, many people would be more successful in their careers and goals in life. Resolving these issues without a spiritual connection, a person will always in up on the bottom.

Love gone wrong. She needs to pay, and he needs to learn. Limit loans to small amounts or suggest the person go to a bank for a loan. If the bank won't loan, then why should you?
Fix this mess however you can.
R in Harrisburg

There are two lawsuits here. The first is Adam's for recovery of the money loaned. The second is Eve's for a number of "torts", not the least of which include defamation (slander and/or libel – if anything he said or "published" was false), intentional interference with business relationships, and intentional infliction of emotional distress (among others).

I would first go to a lawyer to get your ex to stop the harassment. Notify your ex that you are doing so and that you also wish to establish a repayment schedule. This guy is a monkey on your back. I'd do anything to get him paid back ASAP. But if he causes you any more loss of business… see if you can get it deducted from what you owe.

Hey Matt, I think you're the "doormat." She has to pay the guy back. Why don't you think someone has to stick to what they promise to do? People like you that want something for nothing make this country look terrible. The rest of you, I agree with what you're saying.

I think she should offer her body for his sexual pleasure and call it even. …

Why are we blaming this poor woman? Of course she doe NOT owe the guy one dime. This is America, she saw a profitable opportunity and went for it. The guys a doormat, and now is resentful for being used? Gimmee a break! No, loan me $12,000 and I promise I'll pay it back when i get one of those "round to its." Suck it up buddy, its ALL your fault.

Just wondering if this is the first time she used the boyfriends.

She'd be better off going to one of the websites where you can find yourself an old sugar daddy. At least then the guys there know they are being used for their money.

Of course you have to pay it back! You can compare this to a loan from a bank. If you borrow $12,000 and close the account, you still owe the money. Also, the bank has the write to publish your bad deed on your credit history. Treat your personal life as you would a business and you wouldn't be in this mess.

How could anyone ask a question like this? Obligated to pay him back? Of course you are, silly girl. If I decide to close my bank accounts, I'm still obligated to pay any outstanding debt I have. You don't just get a freebie here.

Moral of the story, honey…don't ask for money from a boyfriend. Furthermore, if you have to ask foolish questions like these and then become upset that your boyfriend's reacted badly, perhaps you shouldn't be in business to begin with.

Stick to your responsibility and repay the loan. Learn from this by not giving your other half your personal information such as email address password, etc. Write a letter of apology to your clients and see if you can get back their business. Be wiser next time: separate love from your business.

This person obviously doesn't value her reputation. Rather than considering whether her reputation is worth the $12,000 it would cost to pay the loan back, she is wondering if she's "obligated" to pay the loan back. And I have a feeling she is referring to "legally" obligated, as she obviously has no morals. My advice: 1) pay the money back, and 2) grow up.

This is the real world. There are consequences to your actions. If this were a bank loan, you wouldn't be asking such a stupid question, as there would obviously be consequences to not paying the loan back. If you're late on your bank payments, it will show up on your credit report, and yes, you are still obligated to pay the loan back even after the bank reports your late payments on your credit report. A personal loan is no different. As you are hopefully learning, irresponsibility does have consequences.

Don't give anyone money if you expect to get it back. Especially gold diggers and con artists. If you're the only place she can get a loan, then you aren't gonna see a dime.

Natasha, you are not being fair to the guy.

What this gal doesn't tell us is, did Adam make any efforts to get her to repay the loan before he got nasty?

We don't have HIS side of the story. It may well be that when she dumped him, he asked her to repay the money and she either laughed in his face, or put him off long enough for him to get desperate.

$12,000 is a LOT of money. Small claims court usually limits you to $5,000. Both probably knew that, which is why he didn't just sue. The amount is too small for regular court–the lawyer would cost more than you'd get back.

But yes, I agree she should have made a payment plan, and stuck to it.

I don't have any sympathy for her. You don't borrow that much money from someone, even someone you "love", and then not pay it back.

I think this woman learned her lesson: It's better to borrow money and pay the interest than to trust a guy. He was wrong to email prospective clients about what was a personal loan.
If he really wanted the money, he could have filed a small claim. These actions just stem from hurt feelings, right?
She should have let him know when they broke up the manner in which she would be repaying him (a payment a month or [the full amount] in 6 months) — this would have probably protected her reputation.

It is interesting how few women post a comment to this article.

Since he is interfering with your ability to do commerce, you can sue him in civil court for slander and libel.
Unless he put something in writing and since he said "repay me when you can", he can't bitch about not getting his money back right away. You are still obligated to pay him back though.

"He also e-mailed prospective clients of my new business saying I was unreliable and untrustworthy"
This part is true. You borrowed money from him and didn't pay him back. Whether you are still sleeping with him or not is irrelevant. If you want to sue him for libel, pay him back and ask him to email all these people and retract his statements.

TJ, there is an oral contract. What she is asking for is a set-off…since he hurt her business, she wants to keep the 12K as damages – you can't do that. On the other hand, I would hold off on actually writing the bum a check. Keep in mind she has to pay when she can – and can she, now that he went after her business? Best, unfortunately, to let a lawyer handle this – they may be able to hammer out an agreement, and she'll end up paying back less than 12K.

With what the girl is saying (may be exaggerated under the circumstances), that ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature person. But you are obligated to repay him the money. Just be happy that there are no interest charges on it.

You are only morally obligated to repay him, there is no contract or binding agreement, no court of law can lawfully force you to repay him. You have to decide if you can live with the torment he is creating in your life over this money or not.

Never loan more than you are willing to lose.

Short answer: Yes, now and always. However, the first boyfriend is probably lucky that you only cost him 12k — I'm sure you would have taken him to the cleaners in a divorce. The new boyfriend is either an idiot for dating you or maybe what goes around will come around, and he'll dump you after borrowing something valuable.

You say your "new business." Did his 12K have anything to do with you being able to start this new venture of yours? Most likely it did, however indirectly.

Regardless, stop whining and repay the man. If what you say is true, then hire an attorney and see where it goes from there, but his immature actions do not relieve you of your obligation.

This woman is a first-class "HO" in the finest meaning of the word. She whored herself out for a measley $12,000, no doubt about it.

Adam, admit it…you also probably payed for lots of other 'items' for this woman during your usurious relationship, right? The other stuff, let it go, cost of doing business. With this one, get a copy of the SIGNED deposited check stub with her signature and date of deposit into her bank.

This document DOES constitute proof of the contract and can be construed to show the existence of a contract (with the agreement that the 'loan' be repaid by said "HO".)

Or you could always throw a cinder-block through the new Dick's BMW and be done with it.

Happy Hunting,

Doug H
Denver

Certainly people should do the right thing, but the fact is they don't. This is a expensive $12k life lesson. Resentments are expectations waiting to happen. The loan should have been set up with an enforceable contract, and terms (e.g., pre-nups). If your going to give, do it for fun and for free. Otherwise learn to say NO! When relationships end, people make all kinds of excuses and remain in denial of any responsibility.

I simply MUST wonder just how the young lady's (er, excuse me, shameless hussy of a thief's) ex obtained the email addresses of family and (new) boyfriend such that he could reveal "secrets."

Seems like our little letter writer has plenty of secrets – perhaps she should write a book….

"12K in 12 minutes – My Life Between the Sheets!" or "The Boyfriend Traps: 12,000 ways to Riches," might be titles.

Seriously, though, our lady friend had and has no obligation to continue dating the fool (as in "a fool and his money are soon parted,") but she certainly has the responsiblity to pay him back in a timely manner post-break-up.

I don't see ANY harrassment here, by the way – telling "secrets," is not such behavior, nor is writing notes to co-workers or prospective customers – remember, truth is a defense.

As for my thoughts, I think the lady here is a little scumbag b**** who deserves far worse than she has gotten, especially since the cash grab, breakup, and new dating partner are in such close proximity to one another.

For shame, hussygirl!

This girl should stop being a loser and pay back her debts. If not, she should be thrown in prison.

If there's one thing I've learned from Judge Judy, it's this: If you loan someone money to be paid back "when they can". They are under no legal obligation to pay you back ever. If he sued her for the money, the judge would ask if she can pay it back yet. If she answers "no", than he would lose.

But I agree you should honor your obligation. Offer to set up a payment plan, and even to put it in writing. He's probably panicked that he's thrown away $12k, which is why he's acting the way he is. If you do the right thing and he's still harassing you, then contact the police.

I think the legal situation is slightly more gray than the advisor makes it sound, but the moral/ethical situation is clear: you borrowed money and have an obligation to pay it back.
The terms, however, do not automatically change – if he said to repay him "when you could", and you don't have the money now (possibly because of his actions), then repay him later. Or better yet, start by paying a portion now (whatever you can afford) – and make sure you have cancelled check stubs as proof.

My ex should read this, however it would not matter– she has no morals.

The letter writer doesn't say why she broke up with her boyfriend, but in my mind she deserves most of the blame here.. First, it is very foolish to accept a "loan" from a boyfriend if you will be unable to pay it back, and then to break up with him!! Honestly, how did you expect him to react? I'd be pretty upset if I were him also. As for his actions, while maybe immature, they are no worse than yours. Regarding the emails to your "prospective clients" about you being unreliable and untrustworthy, they seem to be accurate. Regarding the authors advice to contact a lawyer or the police, good luck with that. I don't see anything he's done that is "harassment". Does the author even know what harassment is? Honestly, this is pretty bad advice to a pretty shameless person.

This is what is wrong with our country.
It has trickled down (ah, trickle down economics from our Republican friends) from banks and businesses to the commom folk.

Why on earth would someone feel they are justified to "steal" $12,000 that someone was good enough to loan then???

Even if the boyfriend is a first class idiot, he is still entitled to the return of his money.

Anyone wonder why banks are skittish about lending money these days???

This country is full of folks who feel they are entitled to what someone else has…socialism!

There is also the income tax issue, since this was obviously not a gift.

Who is this submitter? She sounds like a (capital S) Shadeball. Takes $12K loan, then 6 months later she dumps him and already has another boyfriend? Sounds like this might have been planned all along. He was certainly out of line for harrassing other people. However, if I had been a potential client, I would have been thankful for a blessing in disguise.

If you borrowed the money, you own him. Pay him immediately. What's wrong with people? If you TAKE something from someone and promise to repay, then HONOR your word. I'm surprised that he didn't get even more ugly…get the guy his money immediately and grow up!

This not only reveals wonders about the personal character of the borrower but is a worthless article that should be settled by jerry springer or judge judy.

Adam should take this as an expensive lesson learned. Never loan money to girlfriends. Never date girls that borrow money and not pay it back.

Adam has all the rights in the world to post pictures/video of you on the internet, tell your secrets to everyone, call you out at a bar with your friends, leave wanted posters with 12k reward up with your picture on them in your parents neighborhood, till you pay him back that 12 grand.