Living with an ex, sharing the bills
Question: My husband and I are divorced (no kids), but we’ve been unable to sell our house, so we’re both still living in it. Since I’m away a lot on business, shouldn’t he be paying more than half of the utility bills?
Answer: But what if you take longer showers?
We’re not kidding. There are countless ways you and your ex consume water and energy unequally. Perhaps one of you likes to crank up the air conditioning or to grow tomatoes or to stay up late microwaving popcorn and watching movies. You can’t pick just one variable in the utility bill equation and then cry foul.
Moreover, life is filled with per person, as opposed to per usage, fees. Planes, trains and buses, for example, charge per seat, not per pound, even though heavyweights cost more to transport than bantams. Rare is the car wash that has more than two price points, even though autos come in all shapes and sizes. And, as you’ll discover once you sell the house and start looking for new digs, rarer still are roommates who are willing to split the utility bill on anything other than a per person basis.
Questions? Email Money Magazine’s ethicists – authors of “Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?” (Free Press) – at FlemingandSchwarz@right-thing.net.
Wow…she really needs her own place. I don't think she can really care that much about the extra $10-20…she just wants to be mad/spiteful about something. How silly…
Maybe her ex should charge her for house sitting her 1/2 of the house while she is away on business.
I'd also measure the size of each of your shoes. If he has a bigger shoe size, he's probably putting more wear and tear on the carpet than you. I think it's only fair that you pay less because of the extra depreciation he's causing to the carpet.
Just make sure that you mow the lawn as often as him, or he might start sending you lawn service bills.
It's real simple. Before you leave, read the electric meter. When you return, read it again. Repeat when he is not home. Then you will have the Kilowatts used when either of you are home and that when you both are home. Split the latter KW in half. Multiply by the rate to get the amount each gets. You can do this with the water meter also. Can't do this with cable TV because they charge by the month — they don't care if you watch or not. Sound riduculous? I think so.
This must be a joke.
You have the opportunity to use the full house, and all utilities, but choose to work at a career where this is impossible. You should sell the house, move out, get a roomate (or smaller place) to split the bills.
Taken to its logical conclusion, would you like your ex to turn off the heat and fridge when no one is home in the winter? Would you pay for the burst water pipes and spoiled food?
Remember what Suze Orman says: people first, then money, then things.
You have decided to put things first with predictable results.
We need more information. How often is this woman actually home? I used to travel for work and I was HOME no more than 6 days/ month MAX. If that's the case, then yeah, I'd say it's reasonable for him to pay more of the household bills.
As for the snarky comments of the other posters, get off it. You don't have all the info. I could understand why any of you bitter people are divorce with your attitudes too!
Wow, a woman who "is away a lot on business" and divorced. What a surprise. Hope your career remembers all the great memories you and it had together. Another classic case of mis-aligned priorities.
Wow, find that cold-hearted accountant so he can change your diapers! One word – IRRATIONAL! Monitor the toothpaste & toilet paper…now that's funny!
IF (BIG IF) you both own an undivided 1/2 interest in the house one of you should buy out the other for 1/2 the assessed value…or both move out and rent the place to a 3rd party….
If you cannot afford either option, shut up! The divorce has already been costly enough, both monetarily and on your mental health.
What happened to the institution of marriage ?? What about the vow you take while getting married ??
Life is full compromise.
No Wonder you are divorced in first place.
Here's the deal. The cable is billed even if no one watches TV, same with internet access. The fridge runs no matter who is home. Even if no one is home you still have to heat and/or cool the house. The only thing to make a real case for is water, and how much is that, really?
The writer is hardly "stuck," living with her ex. This is a lifestyle choice made by the couple (estranged or not).
Utilities are usage-based, of course, but most would be shocked at how inelastic this usage actually is – a/c, powering the refrigerator, running the cable TV and phone, and keeping the pilot lights lit – consumes a huge fraction of the monthly cost and are inflexible whether or not 1 person or 10 people are in the house at any instant.
Assessing each partner for their differential usage (based on days of occupancy) is therefore silly – the amount of power Mr. Ex uses above and beyond baseline is probably $0.30 a day.
Hardly worth the effort to track.
Telephone usage (not the base rate but actual long distance charges, etc.) are a different matter, and should be apportioned, as should food and other consumables that CAN be tracked (i.e. liquor, etc.).
An interesting corrolary…I lived in an apartment, with a roommate, and we split expenses evenly (even though he had the master "suite."). Lo and behold, his girlie-mate moved in.
His assertion, and hers, was simply the even split should continue – they pay half, I pay half – even though she lived there, took up space, utilities, etc. I felt even thirds would be more appropriate.
I moved out, and they got the even split they wanted – between themselves.
They married.
They divorced.
What say you?
Splitting, for example, the cable because you are only there 10 days out of 30 is crazy. If you have an apartment and you travel 20 days out of 30, does the cable bill let you only pay for the 10 you are there? You have to pay for the convience of having it there when you want to use it. Stop complaining about little things and work on selling the house and then you can pay the whole thing on your own. You will find that you are paying less now, then you will be when you are on your own and it most likely will be a much smaller place.
This is one of those situations of " the marriage didn't work ; the divorce isn't working either". I don't have that problem being single and living with an " unconditional loving " kitty She's the boss ; I pay the monthly expenses on time, she has her food, I have mine and we're very happy 
.
If she is paying $50 more in electricity then she needs to, and paying $30 more in cable/internet/phone then she needs to, that adds up to $960 a year. And people wonder why American's can't manage money. She needs to tell him "Hey I spend 10 of 30 days in the house, so I want to divide all Utility bills up by 30 and pay for the days I actually spend in the house." No normal person would say no to that. What if he takes long showers while she is away, or forgets to turn off the A/C before going to work to conserve the electric bill? Don't listen to these people. You can't compare toothpaste to possibly saving $960 a year, that's bad money management.
I am divorced and we still share the marital residence with our sixteen year
old son. We all get long just fine; better then when married(why did we get married?). It is much more economical and good for my son that we are still in the same house.
Why not drop the price of your house dramatically, so that you don't have to live together anymore?
Then you can rent a 500 sqft studio, since you are always out on business travel – you won't need the space and the utes will be super cheap.
I have to agree here.. Sure, if you're looking for things to complain about, it's easy to find things that are unfair in any relationship or arrangement. But for something like utility bills, how can you fairly split them other than 50/50?? It's not like going out to a restaurant where it's easy to add up what each person ordered. Of course, if you weren't living there at all, then he should pay 100% of the utilities.. But as long as you're staying there some of the time, just pay your half. If it makes you feel better, take long showers and crank up the AC while you're home..
There is nothing worse than living with your ex. If you are going to complain about dividing up the costs based upon usage for basic items – now we know why the mariage failed.
For the record usage fees are on the rise. Most car washes on Long Island have mutliple pricing – one price regular cars and other for SUVs. Hair Cuts are more expensive if you have longer hair than short hair. And some clothing stores charge more for XXL than smaller sizes.
Time spent climbing mountains together will not be deducted from your life, but time spent dividing pennies will most certainly shorten your life span dramatically.
One can clearly see why you are divorced. Do you also monitor the consumption of the tooth paste and bathroom tissue, not to mention yours/his differential wear and tear on floor coverings? Lady, you don't need or deserve a husband, you need a cold hearted accountant who can change your diapers.
Money Magazine's ethicists, Jeanne Fleming, Ph.D., and Leonard Schwarz, are the authors of "Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?" (Free Press, 2008).
What I want to know is who does the dishes? Also, does he sleep on the couch or what? Maybe you should give the poor guy a break. If I was him (hopefully he reads this), I would try to relocate to a mission or worst case senario live in a tent in the woods.